Gallatin Announces NYU-Online For Anyone Looking For An Emptier Degree

NYU officials went public today with a new online alternative for any Gallatin student hoping to give less credibility to their bachelor’s degree. The site features the same reliable software you’ve come to love through NYU Albert and NYU Classes, but combines it with the sturdy Gallatin curriculum we all know, in order to create a new online destination guaranteed to let you graduate.

While some would say the innovation is long overdue, there are still those who argue against it, saying things like “If I want to throw tens of thousands of dollars away, I should at least have to show up,” and “How am I supposed to major in comedy through a computer?”, To which officials have mostly responded, ‘They’re not majors, they’re concentrations.”

However, while the voice of the opposition is strong, the people have spoken, and not only do they want NYU-Online, they want a degree roughly equivalent to one pretty good internship. Sitting down with the creator, he reported, “It was time for a change. Technology’s moving forward, and the people need a strong alternative to traditional college, and to traditional degrees. One that you can print at a Kinkos.”

But the real question isn’t about whether the people want it, but why NYU feels the need to give it. Perhaps this is one of John Sexton’s last money-grubbing ploys on the way out, or maybe NYU truly wants to connect with the community more before it fucks it. In any case, students will be eager to hear more about the project and why New York University, one of the most celebrated schools in the country and the world, has decided to model itself after the University of Phoenix.