Following his first week of classes, CAS senior Tom Walker is now feeling determined and ready to not give one fuck this school year.
“It’s my last year at NYU so I really want make it count, and by make it count I mean that I want to sit on my couch and eat Cheetos all day,” Walker explained, pausing to wipe his ruddy face with a stack of syllabi before throwing them out. “You know, stuff I’ll really be proud of when I’m older. Since the time is going to fly by, I made myself pledge that I would do literally nothing toward preparing for the real world in May.”
Other seniors, such as biology major Josh Marshall, had different opinions. “What? No, I’m definitely working super hard to make sure I finish with a solid GPA and hopefully even a job lined up,” he reported, adjusting his safety goggles. “I spent the whole summer meeting with the career center and an advisor to prepare.”
Sources say Tom Walker’s academic advisor is ready to “bet you 50 bucks” that Walker will not be graduating this year.