Alison Leary: “Winter Break is Cancelled”

With the first snowfall of this winter, Alison Leary has risen from her coffin of misery and shattered dreams to make quite possibly her most disappointing announcement yet: Winter Break is Cancelled.

Students are reeling at the news that our white witch of the weather has cancelled Christmas. Some wept. Some are still frozen in shock staring at their computer screens. Several  even instigated a protest that dwarfed the finals nap in Bobst.

“The University will remain open until December 26th, and all classes will meet for additional sessions during this time,” The demon-lord declared in her latest Memorandum.

“In addition, January-term courses are now required for all students. That kid in class who won’t shut up about going to protests will sit next to you in every single one. Please keep a close eye on your NYU email account for your schedule. Happy holidays, fuckers!”

God help us all.