Allison Leary Found Dead On Front Steps Of Apartment, Attributed to Weather Being Too Nice

Allison Leary was found dead this morning on the front steps of her Manhattan apartment. Apparently today’s weather, which marked a 2014 high at 51 degrees and bright blue skies on a sunny day, literally killed Allison’s cold heart. As the satanic hellish dungeon she calls home started to crumble from beneath her feet, Allison Leary started to scramble in an effort to save her own life. However, upon exiting her front doors the temperate, mild and overall lovely weather outside started to pierce her skin and flood her soulless cells until she bled out and spontaneously decombusted into a bloody mess that could only be compared to the blown up shark at the end of Jaws.

Leary’s last words were that of content, exclaiming that she was happy it was the weekend so she didn’t have to cancel school on this day of truly unbearable weather.

Students are rejoicing in the streets, enjoying the highline and venturing to Central Park for the first time in months. It is still unclear whether this is a celebration of Allison’s death or of the nice climate.

At least one thing is for sure: The world is a better place now that the she-devil bitch is fucking dead.