In a surprise move, Andrew Hamilton has announced he is turning down the position of NYU’s sixteenth president, a position he initially accepted earlier this year. The announcement comes less than a week after Hamilton, current Vice Chancellor of Oxford University and English citizen, visited New York City for the first time and was less than pleased with his stay.
Sources close to Dr. Hamilton say the former President-Elect was first alienated when he landed at Newark International Airport, noticing the decaying tile and random holes in the ceiling. According to one source, Hamilton was heard muttering, “It’s raining in this airport. There appears to be an indoor pigeon horde terrorizing passengers. Am I the only one seeing this?”
After meeting with Sexton, Hamilton and his wife went to dinner at at Williamsburg gastropub, but were confounded by the $16 “ramen burger” placed in front of them. “It appears to be meat in between fried… noodles?” he said, concerned. The trip did not improve on the commute back to the hotel. Said Hamilton to one passerby, “Why are all these convicts at the same tube stop? Do you do this every day? Are they here every single day?”
Hamilton will return to his position at Oxford, where he plans to lobby United Kingdom Prime Minister David Cameron for sanctions on the City of New York.