Andrew Hamilton Spends First Day As President Firmly Planted in Roadside Snowdrift

Newly elected NYU President Andrew Hamilton had an eventful first day in office, spending most of it firmly planted in a snowbank on the corner of LaGuardia Pl. and 3rd St.

Eyewitnesses say they saw Hamilton topple from his twenty-fifth floor office balcony and straight into a ten foot deep pile of snow, where he remained for the entirety of the day.

Passersby noted that they were a bit concerned by “a pair of legs flailing about on the side of the road” but merely wrote the sight off as “some sort of performance art.”

Hamilton’s freezing, blue, lifeless body was extracted by FDNY firefighters near sunset. After close to an hour of slapping him about the face and head, the new President came to. While visibly shaken, he soon returned to good spirits, noting that the inclement weather was paradise compared to the horrendously depressing climate of his home country.