While Sophomore Tim Durkins has seen his low points over his college career, he really hit rock bottom last night, when he killed a $14 bottle of Cabernet and downloaded Tinder for the third time since starting college.
While the specific reasoning leading up to this life altering decision was unclear, it is evident that the inspiration came from the drowsy, horny feeling Durkins found himself harboring after his fourth glass. He did note how “difficult it is to start from scratch” on social media platforms.
In building his new sexually available identity he was sure to add a couple pictures of him doing various outdoor activities, such as at the beach and at a rooftop party. But the real thing that put him above the rest was that photo of him and his grandma. “Everyone loves a guy who loves his grandma, right?”
But based on the vibe he was giving off and the fact that he has a terrible palette for wine… if you see him, swipe left.