BREAKING: Friends See Each Other On Street

Reports are coming in that while power walking to recitation, sophomore Mary Volmo spotted her friend and confidant Hannah Oslo while crossing Broadway. Early analysis indicates that while Mary did see Hannah, Hannah was unaware of Mary’s presence until she texted her, “Look up, bitch.”

“It was like a dream. In a city this big and beautiful, what are the odds that I’d run into Hannah on the street? One in eight million, easy,” says Mary, who felt so overwhelmed by the experience that she decided to walk and talk with Hannah for a good three blocks in the wrong direction. “Chaos already rules so much of our lives, so when it throws you a bone like seeing the baddest bitch ever on the street, you gotta take a chance.”

“This kind of thing doesn’t just happen,” comments Hannah, still reeling from the experience. “I was planning on hanging out with Mary that night, but when I saw her on the street I was like, ‘is god playing a trick with me? Is this real? Am I having a stroke?’”

Unfortunately, due to the distraction of their walking conversation, both girls were hit by the 2:15 bus at 2:18, running late because the bus driver ran into another bus driver he knew. A Tisch student was spotted at the scene of the accident taking a cigarette out of his mouth and quietly muttering, “Life.”