RA Actually Does Want To Be The Bad Guy Here

According to multiple sources from within Rubin Hall, 4th floor RA Terry Wilson has admitted that he “actually does want to be the bad guy here.” Wilson reportedly made these statements at a recent mandatory floor meeting, during which he explained to his residents that he was not, as they seemed to believe, his friend.

“I’m not gonna lie, nothing gives me more of a thrill then kicking some punk’s door in and finding a whole room full of nerds ready to get written up,” Wilson stated, “Honestly, I get goosebumps just thinking about it.”

Wilson went on to explain that he is not, in fact, “just following university policy,” which he found “not harsh enough.”

“If I had my way, you’d be beaten within an inch of your life for even thinking about marijuana,” said Wilson as he demonstrated some of his door-kicking techniques.

Wilson then moved on to a slideshow presentation on his self-designed “One-Strike Policy,” before closing out the meeting by inviting residents with questions, comments, or concerns to “keep that shit to yourselves.”