BREAKING: Wikileaks Releases Andrew Hamilton’s Halloween Planning Committee E-mails

At around 11am this morning, Wikileaks released close to 2,000 of President Andrew Hamilton’s emails to NYU’s Board of Directors. While many of them were run-of-the-mill, bureaucratic, corruption-revealing emails, others gave readers a candid look at the President’s top-secret Halloween Planning Committee. Read a particularly damning excerpt below:

“Salutations,

ITS OCTOBER ♎ AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS: HALLOWEEN 🌑🌕👻 !! ARE U READY 2 GET SPOOoOOOooOKY 💀 ?!

Back home in Surrey we don’t celebrate 👻 Halloween 👻 like you do so I want to have the full   A M E R I C A N experience! Can we go to the parade?? I hear it’s super spooky and glittery and I can dress up so none of the students know who I am! What should I dress as? I have a few choices so TELL ME YOUR FAVORITE– 1. Lady Gaga 2. Sexy Chemist 3. Marina Abramovic 4. Lin Manuel-Miranda 5. Bone Broth?!????????

AAAAH! I’m so E X C I T E D! You HAVE to tell me if you hear about any parties too, okay? OKAY?! I hear Bushwick and Bed-Stuy are cool now so if anything is there TELL ME ASAP WE CAN UBER THERE TOGERHER. THIS IS IMPORTANT AND I WONT BE YOUR FRIEND ANYMORE IF YOU DON’T TELL ME ABOUT THE COOL NEW YORK STUFF.

Anyone know which neighborhood gives the best candy? Lemme know…

Loveyouseeyoutomorrow!

💜 Hammy”

At press time, Hamilton had no comment, but inside sources at the President’s office reveal the university is all but certain the leaks came from a cyber attack carried out by hackers at Columbia.