Cleveland Resident Considers Himself New Yorker After Three-Week Long NYU Summer Program


CLEVELAND, OH
 –- Cleveland native Jerry McHugh, 19, has returned from a three-week summer program at NYU and is now such a snobby little shit that he refuses to eat a bagel from a local coffee shop.

“Dude, you just don’t get it. After you have a bagel in New York City, man, you can’t just have any old bagel, you know?” said McHugh as he sneered in disgust at the “unbalanced onion-sesame ratio” on the everything bagel from Bialy’s Bagels, a Cleveland institution that “just doesn’t get it right, man.” Since his return, McHugh has been telling anyone who will listen that he bumped into Alec Baldwin while buying babka at his “fave bodega,” and he has begun referring to New York as “the City.”

“It’s like, I’m homesick. Like, I’m back home, but I’m not really home. I miss the City, you know?” He then proceeded to give detailed directions from an acquaintance’s apartment in Alphabet City to “this little hole-in-the-wall bagel store in the West Vill, ugh, so delish.”

McHugh, pushing his uneaten bagel away from him, sighed and got out his iPhone so he could “put the final nail in the coffin” and change his Facebook’s “Current City” from New York back to Cleveland.

McHugh’s blog, www.cityboy1994.blogspot.com, is still up and running for those interested in reading page after page of grammatically flawed posts about his boring white-boy adventures in gentrified Brooklyn. Also, if anyone’s seen his MetroCard, he still has like $4.50 on it, so just hit him up if you find it.