Freshman Eagerly Anticipating Return to 10”x15” Triple Dorm

GREENWICH, CONN–After having weeks of access to an emotionally supportive family, warm home-cooked meals, and his very own private bed, Eric McPheeney, CAS ’17, can’t wait until he can go back to 10″ x 15″ low-cost Rubin triple. “I’m so bored of suburban life,” said McPheeney, who has his own car, TV, and two fully stocked fridges in his Greenwich, Connecticut  home. “Man, I really miss New York!” As of press time, McPheeney had his door closed. This journalist assumed that he was either daydreaming about New York or catching up on some well-missed masturbation sessions.