After a semester and a half of wearing his lanyard twenty-four hours a day, freshman Ray Stanz decided the time had come to grow up and act like a real life college student. With one fell swoop, he discarded it into the nearest trash can.
“I didn’t think anything of it,” Stanz said, “until I woke up the next morning and found it wrapped tightly around my wrist. I was pretty drunk the night before and thought that maybe in my drunken stupor I retrieved it, so I threw it down the trash chute again. Two days later it was back, this time around my neck.”
Stanz believes his lanyard is cursed; it’s impossible to destroy and always returns to him. “I’ve tried everything. Burning it in a fire, throwing it into the sea, dissolving it with bleach and lye in my bathtub. And every time, there it is back on my body,” says Stanz, his lanyard seemingly burning his skin.
“I’m too afraid to take it off now. I can hear it murmuring sometimes in the night,” said the pale freshman, eyes sunken back and skin dry and craggly. “It needs to survive. And I need it too. At least that’s what it tells me.”
So if you see some douchebag spinning an NYU lanyard around like we don’t all fucking go here, remember that he too could be cursed.