FROM THE WSL VAULT: NYU Begins Next Stage of Expansion with Distribution of Smallpox-Infected Blankets

In dishonor of Columbus Day, WSL is proud to bring you a hit from the WSL Vault. Originally published October 2013.

In a bold move, New York University spokesman Richard Merrill revealed to the Board of Trustees that to further accelerate NYU’s takeover of Greenwich Village, smallpox-infected blankets will now be given as holiday gifts to all non-university residents living within ten blocks of Washington Square Park.

“Those who do not learn from history are destined to repeat it”, said Merrill. “Can you imagine what America would look like if our forefathers had not been so generous to the natives?”

Merrill said that the University hopes that this display of goodwill will help to assuage tensions riding high between longtime residents and proponents of John Sexton’s 2031 development plan. “We are, after all, a University in and of the city. We feel we can be even more in and of the city if we just kill the city and assume the village’s hollow shell like some kind of zombie.”

The University plans to use the inevitably abandoned ghost town of Greenwich Village to build new student housing, academic buildings, and a personal swimming pool full of diamonds for John Sexton.