Gallatin Junior Pulls Off “Perfect Week” Of Skipping Classes

Gallatin Junior Jacob Folk pulled off the perfect week after sleeping through all of his classes. His roommates are praising him as a hero while professors continue to point out that there is no glory in skipping class.
“I think what’s incredible is that he skipped all of his classes during the week after Spring Break”, recalls roommate Chris Young. “You had a week to refresh yourself dude (pointing to a dazed Mr. Folk), but you slept in like it was the middle of November!”

Mr. Folk cites the pure joy of skipping class and “always being tired” as his reasons for skipping the six classes and two recitations this past week.
“Skipping classes is like taking heroin. It just feels so good to skip class and then it becomes an addiction. I couldn’t stop myself from sleeping into 2:30pm everyday,” said an excited but drowsy Mr. Folk. Mr. Folk said that a key to his perfect week was ignoring his roommates’ warnings that he would be late. “Once you don’t care about what your roommates think, then I knew that I could pull off a perfect week.”

Academic Advisors are slow to embrace the near impossible achievement by the apathetic Gallatin Junior. “Skipping all of the week’s classes that you’re enrolled in is a terrible waste of your education,” claims Academic Advisor Janis Murray. “Your parents pay so much money for you to attend… wait… are you writing that it was an achievement this young man skipped all his classes? This isn’t baseball!”
In the end, Jacob Folk is a proud man with few memories from the previous week. He’ll always remember the vivid lucid dreams he had, but he’ll also have to deal with the emails from his professors. “Yeah this week is going to suck,” says Mr. Folk, “but I’ll probably skip the lectures and maybe one of the recitations, so, yah know, make it a normal week.”