NEW YORK, NY–Reports are coming in that New York University’s beloved housing mascot, Housie McGuire, is being given ten days to vacate his costume and find a new place to live after lenders successfully filed a foreclosure suit.
“In this economy, I’m really not surprised. We need better financial aid,” commented a Gallatin senior concentrating in Social Policy and Dorm-Life-Related Mascot Studies. A Stern student found himself thinking otherwise, stating, “It’s a shame, but Housie is clearly lazy and needs to pull himself up by his boot-straps and make that money. It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there.” He refused to comment further, citing the fact that “an important call was coming in from the guys at Goldman, gotta take this.”
It is unclear as of now where exactly Housie will go. Some are anticipating he will live in Washington Square Park until he figures his shit out. A freshman girl in Hayden has offered to take Housie under her wing while he’s down on his luck, but university policy does not allow this. “I don’t care. I am going to help him until he gets back on his feet,” she said. “At least he will have an air mattress and a place to shower.”
Housie was more than willing to comment but the thick purple fur muffled his words and we were unable to understand what he was saying.