Earlier this week, Mizzou Football players were able to oust the racist president of their university by boycotting their upcoming game against BYU and potentially costing the university millions of dollars. Gallatin seniors soon realized they could use similar leverage by threatening to withhold their Senior Projects.
The newest NYU movement was started by Senior Kelly Lieberman who stated, “Now that I’m almost done with my Senior Colloquium, My project on Sex Toys and Animal Cruelty is completely ready to go. But if those racist pigs at the head of NYU want the world to hear my cross-cultural explanation of how dildos originated from deceased African Elephant tusks, then they’re going to have to step down.”
A surprising 98% of Gallatin seniors have since threatened to withhold their senior projects from the world, pending the resignation of John Sexton. Such theses as “Religion and Bubble Gum”, “Identifying as a Hobbit in the 20th Century” and “The Invisible Project- Just Try to Read This” are all pending publication at the demands of seniors who wish to use their valuable commodities as leverage against the university.
“When Mizzou football said they wouldn’t play, the school had to weigh the importance of president Tim Wolfe against the millions of dollars a home game brings to the university. We are in the exact same scenario here at NYU Gallatin. Our Senior Projects are all potential Nobel Prize winners. They are the foundation of the future. If NYU wants no future, they can keep Sexton. But if they want to see the light of tomorrow through our projects, then that cock-sucker’s gotta go.”