John Sexton Suspiciously “Unsurprised” About Human Remains Under Washington Square Park

After maintenance workers under Washington Square Park discovered a vault containing 19th century human remains, John Sexton seemed remarkably unsurprised.

“Oh, you found them?” Sexton suspiciously replied when first asked about the human findings. At a later press conference, NYU’s exiting president had only this to say when asked about the mass burial beneath his university’s “faux” quad:

“A dog buries a bone in a ditch he has dug. What’s a president of a university to do- a president who likes to hug?”

While many students are suspecting the remains belong to NYU-employed slave labor workers, the likes of which are also found at the NYU Abu Dhabi campus, Sexton’s giddy joy when responding to the discovery suggests a different explanation, and one that no one seems quite able to understand.