John Sexton to Open “Human Hunting Sex Compound” On a Comet

NYU President John Sexton has announced his next big plans for expanding the NYU Campus. “I’ve decided to forgo any ambiguity,” Sexton said as he wiped his ass with your Financial Aid Request form. “I’m opening the Richard Branson Human Hunting and Fuck Compound. On the comet 67P/C-G. Ideally I’d like it to open in 2069 , but we’re still in the blue print phase.”

“This place we’ll be a representation of everything NYU is about,” Sexton shouted while eating giant turkey legs and having a series of servants blow him under the table. “There will be a series of BDSM theme torture rooms and a field for kidnapped commuter or poly students to be hunted in. Oh and there will be a printing station somewhere.”

The grand opening guest list has already been made, with the only guests being Alec Baldwin and series of wealthy oilmen from Abu Dhabi.