Although guaranteed housing for the 2016-2017 academic year, rising junior Chris Simon, will have to resort to squatting due to a lack of available dorm spaces.
Initially optimistic that he would at least get a room of his choosing in Lafayette — the dorm where dreams often go to die — he was surprised to find that there were only three spaces open in the building when his registration time arrived. While elated at first with his luck of finding a spot, he was soon met with the harsh reality of all spaces being in low cost triples with complete weirdos.
“Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did,” says Simon, who returned from Facebook stalking his potential roommates to determine the least weird one to find all three had been taken. Now, without an assignment, he has decided to squat in certain buildings across campus.
“I’ll start with Bobst, people sleep there a lot anyway,” he remarked, adding that he will also explore couch-surfing options, since most of his friends have parents willing to pay for an apartment and furnishings. No word yet as to how long it will be before his friends also leave him on the street.