Reports reveal that Steinhardt Junior Ralph Thompson was injured this weekend after throwing his first party in a new apartment. His newfound independence was quickly put into check when he learned that his super did not allow access to the roof. Having already posted the housewarming party Facebook invite, Thompson and his roommates were “in a real fucking panic. I had already talked up the party to this hot girl in my recitation and couldn’t really back out.”
In an act of desperation, Thompson took matters into his own hands, attempting to “punch [his] way through to the roof” by aggressively hitting the ceiling. Miraculously, it broke, possibly due to the fact that his building isn’t up to code. Unfortunately for Thompson, he didn’t account for the fact that he lived two floors below the roof.
Sources close to Thompson say he has since lost the security deposit on his apartment and has a severely broken hand. It is still unclear as to whether or not his upstairs neighbors take any legal action against him and his roommates. However, they have been graciously invited to the party this weekend, which is still on, in order to try and mitigate the consequences.