In a move widely hailed as “daring”, “incredible”, and “downright genius”, Stern Marketing Senior Carl Cartwright has succeeded in the seemingly impossible task of making NYU’s Skinheads Club more appealing to the rest of the community by giving the organization a total make-over.
“I took on the job late last Spring,” says Cartwright. “I spent most of the summer developing a 25-point plan to rejuvenate the dwindling numbers of membership our club has faced over the past fifty years.” Cartwright’s first move as Fuhrer was to change the name of the club, rebranding it to the more innocuous and innocent NYU White Students’ Union.
He then embarked on a massive issues-based PR campaign, designed to target a wider base of NYU students. “At our core, we are a club that just loves America, and we believe that Bernie Sanders should be the next president of our fine country — a Nationalist Socialist Club, if you will. We also did away with some of the requirements, such as having to shave your head or get really stupid looking tattoos on your neck.”
Furthermore, Cartwright announced the creation of several study spaces around campus, known as ‘Concentration Camps’. “Here, students will be able to really focus on their work, away from the many distractions the city provides.”
Readers wishing to learn more about Cartwright and his new group are encouraged to read his memoir, entitled “My Struggle” (Scholastic, $25 hardcover).