NYU announced today that after various complaints from Freshmen having difficulty adjusting to life in the big city, Welcome Week leaders will now be assisting Freshmen with all classes, activities, and sexual encounters until the end of the term. “I mean, yeah, I got what consent was, but I needed someone to really show me,” said Brian Shaw, CAS ’19. “And man, they got some great tips for nailing a cappella auditions.” All the Welcome Week leaders had a gag order preventing them from speaking to Washington Square Local and so were unavailable for comment.
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