New Study Shows 95% Of NYU Students Are Only Here To Dodge The Draft

NYU has always drawn students due to its academics, location, and unparalleled opportunities, but new data shows that one thing brings more students to NYU than anything else: the fear that the draft will be reinstated and students will be forced to go fight in the Ukraine. “Dude, not only does it go against my personal beliefs, I don’t stand a fucking chance against Putin,” said Freshman Dave McCabe. “Yeah, my liberal arts education is important, but so is not dying in the Eastern bloc.” Dave has never held a gun and continues to be convinced that worldwide armed conflict with Russia is imminent.