New York University announced yesterday the long-rumored transformation of Coles’ Fitness Center into an art gallery showcasing the penises of brilliant faculty members. “Look, that’s what everyone knows it as. Let’s stop pretending we’re a ‘fitness center’ and be real”, said John Sexton at yesterday’s press conference. “At this point, the primary usage of Coles Fitness Center is old professors trying to make students uncomfortable with their ancient, creased, floppy dongs.”
Notable cocks that will now be on display in the new gallery space include Thomas A. Abercrombie (winner of the 2004 Guggenheim Fellowship), Richard Revesz (dean of NYU Law), and bestselling author Jonathon Safren Foer.
“I guess we all knew it was coming to this,” said Evan Kesler, a sophomore on the wrestling team. “If you think about the amount of time people spend working out versus the amount of time all the old professors have their cocks out, the decision is obvious. It’s a shame that we’re going to have to wrestle in acting studios in Tisch, though.”