NYU Announces Plan To Build Literal Bubble

Last Tuesday’s election results support that fact that the United States suffers from “coastal bubbles,” centers of liberal thought concentrated on either coast. In response, NYU has announced official plans to build a literal bubble that would surround its campus, thereby blocking out all the “bad thoughts.”

When asked to comment on this drastic decision, President Andrew Hamilton replied, “Have you ever seen that movie ‘Bubble Boy’ with Jake Gyllenhaal? I was watching it the other night and thought about how cool it must be to live inside a bubble, you know what I mean? You wake up every morning and think, ‘Blimey! I forgot I live in a bubble!’”

WSL spoke to Suzanne Anthony, a sophomore majoring in Women’s Studies who is still under the impression that she has lived a full life. As a member of the student body who likes to demonize others using grandiose philosophy without ever looking to make legitimate change, she assured our staff reporter that she was very much in favor of the bubble.

According to the official press release, the bubble will completed just in time for mid-term elections in 2018 so no real attempts at unifying the nation will ever be made.