Officially listing them as “dormitory residents,” NYU officials have declared that the large population of dorm-dwelling cockroaches must begin paying rent in the new school year, a move that’s projected to generate around $1.3billion of revenue for the school.
“When you look at living conditions, length of residency, and the amount of space, you really stop seeing these cockroaches as dirty bugs, and start seeing them for what they actually are: very well off NYU students,” commented Andrew Hamilton, adamant on making the little critters foot the bill. “In every record we have, in every room we’ve inspected, we’ve seen a clear pattern of comfortable housing being given to these roaches, free of charge. And that’s not fair to the other students, who pay full price for their accommodations.”
The insects will be billed the standard student rate, with the only discount afforded to them being that up to fifty can live in a dorm at any given time.