NYU Dining Halls, Ranked By Where I’d Most Like To Die

6) Third North

I would never go here while I was living either. No thank you.

5) Hayden

While I don’t doubt the vegan options would look excellent surrounding my frigid white cadaver, we all know that Hayden is undergoing construction at the moment. No dying here (this semester at least).

4) Downstein

Sure, it’s the best all-you-can-eat of the lot, but in terms of where I’d like to have my rotting carcass propped up in a corner somewhere, I’ll take the stairs. 

3) Kimmel

Now we’re talkin’. A plentiful salad bar AND a stir-fry station? Kill me now! (please).

2) Upstein

Imagine walking into the kosher section and seeing skin falling off my fetid remains. Now, THAT’S a quality dining hall.

1) Palladium

Would my corpse be found behind the sushi counter or at the salad station? At the deli? Or splayed out at the feet of the bubble tea girl?  The amount of places to die is just as varied as its food options. This one’s a winner.