NYU Football Team Captain Pretty Fucking Tired of Everyone Thinking They Don’t Exist

For years now NYU students have been yucking it up about their school’s apparent apathy towards any sort of physical activity or competition, a mindset most clearly exemplified by the classic joke of the NYU Football Team.

“What are you up to tonight?” an unsuspecting passerby might ask.

“Not much, gonna go watch the NYU football game,” a mischievous classmate might reply.

“Ah, I’ve been had. There’s no such thing as NYU Football!”

By now a rite of passage, the mark of an NYU student, this joke has been told and retold, beaten dead into the ground. But in a groundbreaking new investigation, WSL has found evidence that the joke operates on a completely fallacious premise: NYU does, in fact, have a football team, and no, they aren’t very good.

“It’s fucking bullshit,” laments Chad Hogan, a Steinhardt junior and captain of the NYU football team, during a juice box and orange slice break at the team’s weekly practice. “They all go watch quidditch, and basketball, and volleyball, but not one fucking person comes to watch the football games, all because some asshat years ago decided it’d be hilarious to say NYU doesn’t have one.”

Hogan, one of 54 other players, has been a part of the team for three years now, starting when he was just a wee freshman. “It’s just so frustrating. I always go and support my friends when they do stuff. But when I ask them to come watch our games, they just laugh in my face and pat my head, telling me how silly I am.”

“I get it, NYU football, ‘oh, what a funny concept,’ I really do,” admits Tight End Mary Klein. “But when the even the Cheese Club gets more attention than you, it just hurts that much more.”

Any students interested in watching, or indeed, joining the team are instructed to meet the team bus after school, by the flag pole.