NYU Republicans Call For Transfer Student Ban

The scene outside of President Andy Hamilton’s office late Tuesday evening was not a pretty one, as NYU College Republicans held protests demanding the school institute an immediate ban on transfer students.

“Goddamn transplants!” roared Phil Anderer, a junior from Wisconsin. “Pesky scholars!”

“We want to send a very clear message to all those who seek to transfer to our great school: You’re not welcome here,” explained Hugh Jergov, head of the NYU Republicans, amid shouts of agreement. “When kids are coming from places like Rutgers or Fordham, you really think they’re sending their best? Of course not!”

“There are tons of other universities that could and should be taking them in,” added fellow protestor Jenny Talia. “Columbia, The New School, even Pace! Why should we be expected to deal with them?”

At press time, there was no comment from the NYU administration.