NYU To Open New Residence Hall On Rikers Island

NYU’s Residential Life & Housing Services made an astonishing announcement today by unveiling plans for a new Freshman dormitory, conveniently located on Rikers Island.

The island, which sits in the East River, is becoming an increasingly desirable neighborhood, a hotbed of nightlife and adventure.

“This is just another example of NYU’s commitment to providing its students with the finest accommodations,” said NYU spokesperson Shaun Shank. “If you thought Weinstein was a prison, wait ’til you see this place.”

The dorm will come fully furnished and with several amenities, such as a dingy mess hall and a license plate factory, as well as its very own ditch-digging club, where students can practice digging large holes.