Late last night Coral RA Stephanie Steponherknee reporting hearing unfamiliar sounds coming from dorm 304, and upon investigation found the residents to be heavily under the influence of financial stress and serious professional obligations.
“I walked in and it was a nightmare, I hadn’t seen anything like it since tax season 07’. There were papers everywhere, some carefully coordinated budgets for food and ‘entertainment’, others were properly cited research papers in perfect MLA format. Doesn’t look like they used Easy Bib either, this was by hand. Who does that?” commented Stephanie, who went into a panic after seeing that one roommate had even begun flossing. “It was like 4 middle aged accountants named Eugene living under one roof.”
When asked to comment, sophomore Nick Frick had this to say, “It all started when I bought a clothes organizer. From there it went to shopping lists, budgeting beer, reading nutrition label, morning stretches, emailing my advisor… last week I stayed after class to ask my teacher to elaborate… I think I need help.”