Reports are coming in tonight that detail the efforts of Sarah Burns, a recent NYU graduate who attempted to fake her own death and reenroll to the school for the sweet satisfaction of free, unfettered access to HBO’s online streaming services.
Sources say that Burns attempted to access her NYU-provided HBO Go account late last Monday in hopes of catching up on Veep, Game of Thrones, and possibly some Vice Principles, if there was time. After receiving an error message notifying her that per her recent matriculation from the university, NYU would no longer grant free access, Burns had no choice but to hurl her body into the East River.
Despite surviving the plunge after a lengthy rescue operation undertaken by NYPD’s Aquatics Division, Burns refused to admit defeat, vowing to return to school before she, “ever even considered paying fifteen whole dollars,” instructing officers to drop her in front of the Admissions office, where she filled out an application, wrote three supplemental essays, and filed for financial aid.
At press time, there was no word on whether or not NYU had accepted her reapplication, but Burns reports that she is confident in her eventual success.