Roommate Op-Ed: “Hey Is It Alright If My Girlfriend Comes Over For Sex?”

Hey man. Sorry to bother you. What are you watching? Parks and Rec? Cool. I’ve seen a couple episodes here and there, but never the whole thing. Hey, is it alright if my girlfriend comes over for sex?

It’s totally fine if it’s not. It’s just that we haven’t really seen each other in a while. More specifically we haven’t had sex with each other in a while. So that’s why I want to invite her over. For having loud sex.

Just to make sure we’re on the same page here, I just want to reiterate that my girlfriend would not be coming over to help me study or to have dinner. She would be coming over so that we could have sex with each other while you’re somewhere else. Doesn’t really matter where you are, as long as it’s not here. Because again, the plan is for me and my girlfriend to have sex.

Great. Thanks. I’ll text you.