Roommates Report Feeling Closer After One Catches Other Masturbating

In an uncharacteristically warm and emotional BASE meeting, sophomores Josh Coughman and Jeff Young reported that they feel closer than ever before, after Coughman caught Young masturbating in the kitchen/common area of their dorm room.

The incident in question, which took place at the beginning of the Spring 2016 semester, happened in the early hours of a Tuesday afternoon when Coughman usually has class.

“My class was cancelled so I decided to go back to my dorm. As I approached the door, I heard some pitter patter and moaning and thought to myself ‘Woah! Big Jeffie is getting laid!’ ” Coughman reported, only to open the door and reveal Young “really going to town on himself” atop the kitchen table.

“I was so embarrassed, especially considering I was accidentally wearing all of Josh’s clothes, but he was really understanding and let me wipe off the vaseline that had somehow spread all over my body with the paper towels he had just generously bought us,” said Young as Coughman looked on, a genuine expression of caring and sympathy in his eyes.

The two reported a quiet fall semester with no major arguments or points of contention, but also, as they simultaneously put it, “no flair.”

“We just didn’t know each other at all and didn’t know how to break the tension and penetrate our defense mechanisms. Me catching Jeff close to a moment of pure and unbridled ecstasy was just the step I needed to really feel comfortable around him,” Coughman reports, ending with a customary fist pound with his roommate and now close friend.