In order to avoid any more questions about the status of her post-graduation job search, Tisch senior Shelly Walter is looking for a sharp object to stab herself with.
“I swear if one more person asks me what I’m doing,” Walter said as sweat poured down her face. “Why can’t they be fine with me being a barista for a while? Is that not real enough? Why don’t you come try living in New York, Grandad???”
Walter’s roommate is worried: “I hear her hyperventilating after every phone call with family,” she said as she waved sage around the apartment for hopeful good vibes. “Thank God I’m a junior. I’m starting my job search right away.”
Walter is currently constructing a fake life to tell her family about so they will leave her alone.