Sophomore Devastated When Out of Town Friend Effortlessly Sleeps With Girl of His Dreams


All went awry this weekend for Sophomore Amir Hill, (CAS), when his best friend from back home, Tom Williams, visited New York and was able to effortlessly shag the girl of Amir’s dreams.

Apparently, Amir Hill had been utterly in love with girl-next-door cutie, Amy Johnson, since 2nd week of freshman year when she was down the hall in Hayden. “Yeah, she’s always been so open with me. I mean, not ‘physically’ but that’s cause she’s been through some serious shit. She’s just shy that’s all. And I loved being her best friend.” Unfortunately for Hill, sometimes “friends” need to stop being pussies and actually make a fucking move.

An unassuming Hill learned this lesson the hard way when he came home late last night after Tom and Amy disappeared at Josie’s. Ignoring the sock on the door handle, Hill walked in on Tom in what can only be described as a “Game of Thrones” sex scene. In fact, both bodies were so contorted and intertwined Hill could only recognize Amy by her friendship bracelet, which he customized for her last semester.

In a short statement from Tom, he describes a concise process of “straight up lying and being that mysterious out-of-town hunk, who they are never going to see again”.

Confidence was oozing from every pore of Tom’s body, making even this professional journalist hungry for the “Tom-dong”.

Amir Hill was utterly devastated. He put on a fake smile and congratulated his childhood buddy on his successful weekend, and then proceeded to cry and jack off in the shower.