Spike Lee Named New NYU Basketball Coach

In a surprise move, the NYU Athletic Board has named famed director Spike Lee the next coach of the Violets Basketball Program. Apparently seeking a basketball experience more depressing than watching every Knicks game for the last 30 years, Coach Lee has already announced several changes to the program, listed below:

• A bold new strategy where players sit courtside and yell at the opposing players, rather than actually play
• More pizza/throwing bricks through windows
• The opposing coach’s address will be tweeted the night before every big game for students to “do as they see fit”*
• The team’s warm up routine will consist entirely of shadowboxing to MLK speeches

 From the sound of these changes, NYU basketball games will definitely be more entertaining with Spike at the helm. CAS Sophomore, Amanda DiChino, was asked to comment on Mr. Lee’s appointment. She responded,  “Who the fuck is Spike Lee? Also, we have a basketball team?”

*These addresses may or may not be accurate