Stern Cancels Business Ethics Class After No One Signs Up

NYU Stern spokesman Pierre-Joseph Proudhon announced late Monday night that the Business Ethics 101 class that was to be offered in the Spring semester has been cancelled after reportedly not a single person registered for it. The class, taught by noted economist and philosopher Dr. Carly Merks and designed to ensure that the future financial leaders of our great nation have at least a morsel of moral character and integrity, is a Stern degree requirement, a fact that has not deterred the sociopathic and conniving student body that makes up NYU’s business school from skipping out on it.

     Proudhon attempted to place blame on the School’s registrar for not scheduling the class at more convenient times, but a cursory glance at Albert reveals that there are no less than nine offered sections, four different time slots, and no attendance policy — in other words, exactly the type of class the morally reprehensible degenerates who populate Stern would exploit for an all-important GPA boost.

     When asked for her thoughts on the matter, Dr. Merks expressed that she was deeply disappointmented by the cancellation of the class, adding that her biggest regret is, “not having a chance to prevent these horrible monsters from pillaging the ninety-nine percent.”

     “I don’t really know what to say to that,” replied Proudhon, when asked if the lack of interest in basic human decency was typical of the School’s attitude towards poverty. “But I can tell you that I’m very proud to announce that Kevin Bhandari, Class of ‘15, is the recipient of the 2014 Spit On Poor People Dean’s Scholarship.”

     Mr. Bhandari was unavailable for comment.