Reported rumors that that one kid in your Open Arts class with the complete lack of a moral compass and aspirations to just basically remake The Wolf of Wall Street is, indeed, a student in the Stern School of Business. Obviously.
Kevin Li, a finance major, decided to take “Fundamentals of Digital Filmmaking” in an effort to combat the stereotypical belief that Stern kids are uncreative, immoral, and just plain shitty at art. Li, a junior, admitted that he, ”didn’t make it immediately apparent that I was actually in Stern because I didn’t want my fellow classmates to judge me. I knew the second I said I was a business student, my artistic credibility would be compromised.”
Li believed he was successfully passing as a run-of-the-mill Dramatic Writing major, a fact many of his fellow classmates heavily refute. “It’s not hard to spot a Stern kid,” reported sophomore Christina Tamburro. “The arrogant sneer, the homophobic attitude with oddly homoerotic tendencies, the general lack of any artistic talent whatsoever — it was quite easy, really.”
“I bought it at first,” admitted Politics major Steven DeStefano. “I just thought he sucked at filmmaking, but then he called me a peasant and I noticed he carried an extra Armani suit in case the one he was wearing was touched by inferiors. That’s when I began to add two and two together.”
Li maintains that the results of the investigation have adversely affected his grade in the class. His final project, an adaptation of Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged, bombed and he received a D-, a grade that will, “seriously fuck up my GPA and cause me to lose out on the JP Morgan internship I’ve wanted since I was like five.”