NEW YORK, NY–Calling the initaitive “an excellent opportunity for students to receive hands-on business experience,” NYU Stern dean Peter Henry excitedly unveiled a new program on Wednesday allowing Stern students to intern directly with a selection of New York City drug dealers from all five boroughs. “In today’s competitive business world, students need any edge they can get, and the invaluable and relevant knowledge gained by interning with one of New York City’s countless corrupt drug lords is that edge,” explained Henry enthusiastically, noting that drug dealers professionally and practically implement classical business adages such as “buy low, sell high” and “never get high on your own supply” in real world situations. “Take Da’Quan Dixon for example. He’s on NYPD’s Most Wanted for dodging authorities swiftly, running huge margins on narcotics, and confidently shooting up snitches without mercy. An average, pasty Stern student, such as Lucas Acosta, would have much to learn from Dixon.” At press time, Dixon described himself as “geeked up” for the new program.
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