“This definitely isn’t Stats 101, but I’ve already been in the classroom for an hour”


Georg Stuffens, freshman, showed up to his first Statistics 101 class in Silver fresh on Wednesday morning, ready to open his laptop and zone out for syllabus day. After vaguely hearing some things about group presentations and midterms, about an hour into class, Stuffens heard something about the Armenian genocide.

“What the fuck? We’re starting out with statistics on genocide? Kinda heavy”, thought Stuffens. Looking up from his laptop for the first time, Stuffens then become aware that this was definitely not Statistics 101, but “Crimes of the State and the Body Politic”.

“I can’t just leave now. That will look like I hate genocide. I mean, I do hate genocide. It’ll look like I hate talking about genocide. I mean, I do hate talking about genocide. But that will look like I don’t think it’s important”, pondered Stuffens.

After the professor verbally lashed a student who dare to go to the bathroom in the middle of a slide show of the atrocities of war, Stuffens was too petrified to leave. The six-hour intensive class is still going on, and updates to his condition will be posted as we hear them.