OK, so you’ve killed your roommate. Now it’s time for the tricky part: what to do with that pesky corpse. Here are five tips for hiding your roommate’s lifeless body:
1. Hide Them On The 12th Floor of Bobst
Literally no one goes there. It will be half a semester before anyone finds it, and by that time, nobody’s looking for the killer.
2. Drop Them Off at Cooper Union
Cooper Union kids will mistake the body as a found art piece and immediately get to work deconstructing and attributing symbolic meaning to it.
3. Blow Them Up
This one’s messy, but effective.
4. Hire My Boy, Sal
Sal will make any body disappear. For a price. His number is 267-459-9250. When he answers, simply say the weight and height of the body, then immediately hang up. An envelope containing the time and location for the drop-off will be in your mailbox the next day.
5. Replace Them With a Homeless Man
Homeless men make great stand-ins for your recently murdered roommates. Just tell them their new name and print them out their schedule from Albert. Then you should be good to go!