Visual Arts Major Accidentally Shows Up To Class Sober

It was a typical Wednesday morning for Junior John Cavanaugh. He had woken up, showered, eaten and just made it to his Studio Oil Painting class when he had realized he had forgotten something very important: he was stone cold sober.

“At first I just started panicking,” said Cavanaugh in between spoonfuls of Nutella. “I was so paranoid people would find out I wasn’t high. I was looking at my hands like why aren’t the lines on my palms all swirly? It was frightening.”

“Then we looked at slides of painting all day and I realized that I had made a huge mistake in my choice of a major. I mean, Visual Arts? What was I thinking? I’ll be broke and in my parents pool house by 25.”

Since the incident Cavanaugh has left Visual Arts, stating he feels more secure in a double major of philosophy and botany.