Wi-Fi in Gram Goes Out for Fifteen Minutes, Chaos, Murder, and Blood Orgies Ensue

NEW YORK, NY—After losing Wi-Fi access for 15 minutes today, Gramercy Green Residence Hall erupted in a post-apocalyptic outbreak of chaos, murders, and blood-orgies as residents reverted back to their most primal urges. “Wi-Fi is all that separates us from the animals!” exclaimed sophomore Jonathon Epstein, who had his RA’s head skewered on a steak knife while giving this interview. “ALL HAIL LORD SATAN!”, added his roommate.

“I really think that for sixty thousand a year, they can do better than this”, said Amanda Keighley while getting plowed from behind in a puddle of vomit and blood in the lobby. “I just can’t believe how lazy and careless housing services is”.