WSP Fountain Sadly Sloshes Back To East River For Winter Hibernation

As temperatures drop and students prepare for the harsh winter, so has the water filling the Washington Square Park fountain, which packed up this week and retreated to the East River until Spring.  Unable to withstand the freezing winds and snow flurries of the upcoming months, the fountain water has been forced to make its annual trek back home for hibernation.

Spotted waving through metal grates and drainage puddles all across lower Manhattan, the iconic WSP fountain has been seen carrying a bindle of its belongings and looking sad about the move. When asked for comment, the body of H2O explained: “When I’m in the park, I’m the center of attention. I get to be in the background of a million freshmen selfies and wash the feet of homeless people, it makes me feel important. I hate winter because the East river is so huge and dirty and filled with dead bodies, nobody ever pays me any attention. I’d rather be a big pond in a little fountain than a little puddle in a big river. Life isn’t the same when I can’t splash at students and tourists, but I will say I won’t miss those fucking street performers.”  

At press time, sources reported that the fountain’s water has fully sunk back into the river, but will hopefully be returning in Spring to Washington Square Park just in time for the onslaught of finals-induced anxiety and seasonal allergies.