Nyu student ballot

Student Council Elections Are Upon Us!

December 10, 2015 Carl Jr.

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UHSSSS

December 10, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Dear NYU

Dear NYU: John Sexton Announces His Retirement from the Presidency

December 10, 2015 Carl Jr.

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NYU On Finals Study Hours: “If You’re Going to Kill Yourself, Please Do it Quietly”

December 7, 2015December 7, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Sophomore Avoids Holiday Weight Gain By Never Feeling Anything Again After Her

December 7, 2015December 7, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Headlines Tisch

Classmates Pretty Sure Student’s Sight and Sound Project is Shot for Shot Remake of Star Wars Cantina Scene

December 7, 2015December 7, 2015 Carl Jr.

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New Hard Rock Cafe Adds to Quaint, Homey Atmosphere on 8th Street

December 7, 2015December 7, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Sophomore Throws in the Towel on Getting Laid this Semester

December 7, 2015December 7, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Opportunistic Environmentalist Senior Blames Climate Change for Inside-Out Umbrella

December 7, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Administration Articles

NYU Administration Proudly Announces That Racism is Over

November 23, 2015November 23, 2015 Carl Jr.

Following protests at Kimmel and a university-wide diversity forum on Wednesday, NYU administrators sent out an email on Saturday confirming that,

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Freshman’s 400 Second Snapchat Story A Hilarious, Riveting Cry For Help

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Sophomore Pushes Back Identity Crisis To Next Semester Due To Workload

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Freshman Drops Out To Pursue True Passion Of Not Having Broke Parents

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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7th Floor Hayden RA Tucks All Residents in at Night With a Gentle Kiss

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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BREAKING: Rachel from Camp to Be in Town This Weekend

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Student Somehow Manages to Provide Deeply Personal Anecdotes in “Espionage & The Making of the Modern World” Class

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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John Sexton Revealed to be Character Played by Tim Allen

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Aggressively Heterosexual Gallatin Freshman Slowly Realizing He’s Made a Huge Mistake

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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In The Spirit Of Shia LaBeouf’s “All My Movies”, Tisch Sophomore Holds Own 15-Minute Filmography Retrospective

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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After Skirball Immediately Sells Out of all $10 Hamilton Tickets, Students Disappointed to Discover They’re for Andrew Hamilton’s One-Man Show

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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NYU Constructs Toll Booth Under Washington Square Arch

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Lonely Sophomore Plays Cards Against Humanity Against Empty Wine Bottle With Face Drawn On It

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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NCIS: Kimmel Announced as Newest NYU-TV Show

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Roommates Both Prepared to Shower in Darkness Until Other Replaces the Lightbulb

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Sophomore Torn Between Seeing Friend’s Improv Show, Friend’s Acapella Show, Or Jumping Off a Bridge

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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TA Really Identifies With Professor’s Sense of Humor

November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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We Asked NYU: Would You Invite Your SO Home for Thanksgiving?

November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Straight A Student Who “Barely Studies” is Barely Tolerable

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Tisch Cafe Starts Selling Cigarettes, Quadruples Income in First Four Hours

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Stern Student Tries Networking With John Sexton Before Finding Out He’s About to be Unemployed

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Hayden to Start Serving Cronuts

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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History Professor Asked to Repeat Himself

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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BREAKING: Rachel from Camp to Be in Town This Weekend

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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John Sexton Revealed To Be Character Portrayed By Tim Allen

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Aggressively Heterosexual Gallatin Student Slowly Realizing He Made A Huge Mistake

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Headlines Other

Wellness Center Advises Freshmen Cope With Midterm Madness with Stress Relievers Like Yoga and Self-Harm

November 9, 2015November 9, 2015 Carl Jr.

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After Successfully Arguing for the Existence of God, John Sexton Begins Selling Indulgences

November 9, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Headlines Tisch

Former NYU Artist in Residence Returns Home to Cardboard Box on Brooklyn Street Corner

November 9, 2015November 9, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Mass Transit President Thinks This Pharrell Guy Has Potential

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Stern Senior Confused, But Ultimately Not Upset About Waking Up Next to Slutty Donald Trump

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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John Sexton Dresses As Firefighter from Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire for Fun Historical Halloween

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Stern Junior Buys Top Hat, Goes as Abraham Linked-In

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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After Bobst Removes Protective Barriers for Fun Halloween Scare, Suicidal Junior Takes Superman Costume Too Far

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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RA Writes Freshman Up For Enjoying College More Than They Did

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Sophomore Not From New Jersey Remains Unconvinced that Mischief Night is a Real Thing

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Tisch Sophomore Having the Worst Day Ever Steps on Homeless Man on Her Way to Therapy

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Wagner Student Excited To Be Anything Else For Halloween

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Gallatin Junior Studying Language and Sexuality Declares Concentration in Cunning Linguistics

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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BREAKING: Spike Lee Challenges Pharrell To Knife Fight To Decide True King Of The Tisch Students

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Freshman Dresses Up As Slutty Freshman for Halloween

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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New Poll Reveals 80% of UHall Residents Would Prefer to Live in An Actual UHaul

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Parents’ Day Visitors Still Mad About $76k, But Glad That Hayden Ice Cream Bar Is Thriving

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Roommate With Dominant Personality Slowly But Surely Influencing Identical Interests, Sensibilities In Other

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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John Sexton Plows His Way Through Sea of Divorcées in Celebration of Last Parents’ Weekend

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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NYU Announces Pharrell’s First Class Will Be Special Seminar Analyzing “Blurred Lines” Exclusively for Members of Pike

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Friendly Pumpkin Carving Quickly Turns Into Outlet For Stern Junior’s Pent-Up Aggression

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Little Notebook Tisch Junior Carries Around Has Nothing Written In It

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Gramercy Resident’s Routine Goes From Walking to Class, to Taking the Bus, to Not Fucking Showing Up

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Fresh and Co. Opens Newest Location In Silver 4th Floor Bathroom

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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ohn Sexton’s Last Town Hall Meeting Ruined by Disastrous 13-Year Tenure as President

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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Professor Unsure How To Tell Student They’re Never Going To Be Friends

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.

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