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Lifestyle

Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

NYU To Open New Residence Hall On Rikers Island

May 8, 2017May 8, 2017 Dan Quayle

NYU’s Residential Life & Housing Services made an astonishing announcement today by unveiling plans for a new Freshman dormitory, conveniently located

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Academics Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

College Improv Troupe Invites Students To Take A Study Break, Watch Some Bad Comedy

April 27, 2017 John Frey

Local NYU Improv troupe “Improvulation” has invited all of NYU to attend their final show of the semester. According to the

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

NYU A Cappella Group’s Self Awareness Hits Record Low

April 24, 2017April 24, 2017 Harriet Chubman

NYU’s numerous a cappella groups reached an historic point this weekend at their joint “Spring Jamz” concert in which not

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

NYU To Test Self-Driving Buses By Firing All Drivers, Hoping For Best

April 19, 2017 Murray Samsonite

NYU will be firing all of its bus drivers this week. As such, when next semester begins, the university will

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Academics Articles Lifestyle 

Sophomore’s Summer Job Actually Just Cult

April 18, 2017April 18, 2017 Murray Samsonite

After a thorough Washington Square Local investigation, sophomore Sarah Bartshort’s internship was confirmed to actually be just a cult. Bartshort,

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Academics Articles Lifestyle 

Senior With Straight C’s Really Gonna Have To Pull Some Strings To Not Ruin Everything He’s Worked For

April 14, 2017 Air Bud

After not putting in even a spec of effort this semester, graduating CAS senior Tosh Evans is really gonna have

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Freshman’s Article On Medium Shockingly Well Written

March 29, 2017March 29, 2017 Murray Samsonite

In a shocking turn of events, the NYU community was rocked by revelations that freshman Rodrick Simpleton’s Medium article was

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Articles Lifestyle Tisch 

Tisch Senior’s Thesis Film Metaphor For Living At Home Rest Of Life

March 27, 2017 Air Bud

Needing to let everyone know that he’s giving up in 7 weeks, Film & TV senior John Starks’ thesis film

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

We’re All Interested In The Cherry Blossom Festival. All of Us.

March 23, 2017March 23, 2017 Margaret Twatwood

Fallen velvet petals beckon our aching heels Rustling in mother nature’s breath between blade of grass and strong red root

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Articles Lifestyle 

Friend Who “Found Herself” Over Spring Break Went To Baltimore

March 21, 2017March 21, 2017 John Frey

Samantha Meyer, a Drama junior at Tisch, reportedly claims to have “found herself” while on a spring break vacation. According

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Articles Lifestyle 

Study Confirms Overall Satisfaction With Usual Hometown Hookup Decreasing Exponentially

March 20, 2017March 20, 2017 Dan Quayle

A new study conducted by the NYU Psychology Department confirmed CAS junior Cassie Blankhardt’s suspicion that her usual hometown hookup, Chad

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Articles Lifestyle 

STUDENT VOICES: “Some Say They’re Giving Up College For Lent, But I’m Just Giving Up All My Dreams”

March 7, 2017March 7, 2017 Air Bud

Tisch senior Sarah Carroll is one-upping everyone for Lent this year by, rather than jokingly giving up college, giving up

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

School Pride: A Poem

March 5, 2017March 5, 2017 Michael Sarah

I love my school I love our colors purple and white I love my school Yesterday me and a squirrel

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Administration Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

John Sexton Forms 1860s Irish Immigrant Gang Out Of Boredom

March 4, 2017March 4, 2017 Murray Samsonite

In an apparent nod to Martin Scorsese’s 2002 film Gangs of New York, President Emeritus John Sexton formed an 1860s-style

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

BREAKING: Jay’s Mom Staying On The Couch For Awhile, Apparently

March 3, 2017March 3, 2017 Margaret Twatwood

Jay’s Mom (Tufts ’88), mom of Jay (Gallatin ’19), has reportedly been bunking in her son’s UHall room for about three

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Woefully Misguided Pike Junior Really Excited To Study A Broad

March 1, 2017 Paul Schart

Pike junior Bradley Bradford, a Stern finance major, was in for a rude awakening this week after misreading multiple NYU

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Articles Lifestyle 

Confident Intern Lists Company Without Job Title On Facebook

February 16, 2017February 16, 2017 Air Bud

Certain she’ll be given a full-time position following her 4-month internship, Tisch senior Sharon Stalls went ahead and listed the

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Articles Lifestyle Opinion 

Are My Pants Too Baggy To Land A Fuckboy?

February 7, 2017February 7, 2017 Frederick Krueger

Hey folks! Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and if you’re anything like me you’re desperately looking for someone

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Articles Lifestyle 

Roommate Op-Ed: “Hey Is It Alright If My Girlfriend Comes Over For Sex?”

February 4, 2017 John Frey

Hey man. Sorry to bother you. What are you watching? Parks and Rec? Cool. I’ve seen a couple episodes here

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Academics Articles CAS Lifestyle 

Anthropology Department Discovers New Hominid Species At NYU Republicans Meeting

January 30, 2017January 30, 2017 Dan Quayle

NYU’s own Anthropology department is making international headlines this morning after publishing a groundbreaking paper detailing the discovery of a

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Academics Articles Lifestyle 

OPINION: If You Love Berlin So Much, Why Don’t You Marry It?

January 23, 2017January 23, 2017 Dan Quayle

  It’s only the first day back to school and friends of Anna Littman have already had enough of her

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Academics Articles Lifestyle 

Freshman Well Aware Of How Wildly Unrealistic Her Weekend Plans Are

December 16, 2016December 16, 2016 John Frey

According to sources, Tisch freshman Janet Johnson knows deep down how wildly unrealistic her weekend plans actually are. Although perhaps

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Academics Articles Lifestyle 

STUDENT VOICES: Why I’m “So Done” With Finals But I Still Have Three Finals Left But My Attitude Is Like So Over Finals But Not Actually Because There’s So Much Left

December 14, 2016December 14, 2016 Michael Sarah

I am giving up. I am packing my things. I am flying home. But not actually, because I still have

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Articles Lifestyle Sports 

Impressive! With A Convenient Gym Downstairs, Palladium Resident Still Manages To Avoid Working Out

December 12, 2016December 12, 2016 Michael Sarah

Palladium resident and NYU sophomore Sasha Horrowitz has managed to avoid working out despite the convenient state-of-the-art gym just an

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Articles Lifestyle 

9 Things You Can Say In Class To Keep Bringing Up The Fact That You Voted

November 22, 2016November 22, 2016 Michael Sarah

What do you think, class? Should the final be cumulative? Let’s all take a vote. My favorite couple almost got

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

I’m A Ghost Stuck In A 9th Floor Kimmel Painting And I’m So Sick Of This View

November 17, 2016November 17, 2016 Maya Wife

Please, please help me. I can’t take this anymore. I’ve been trapped in this portrait of NYU donors for 14

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Academics Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

NYU Announces Plan To Build Literal Bubble

November 14, 2016November 14, 2016 Frederick Krueger

Last Tuesday’s election results support that fact that the United States suffers from “coastal bubbles,” centers of liberal thought concentrated

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Perpetual, Uninterrupted Sadness Now Requirement For Financial Aid

November 2, 2016November 2, 2016 Jack Sass

According to well-placed sources within the NYU administration, on Wednesday the Office of Financial Aid made amendments to the financial aid agreement.

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Every Member of This Washington Square Park Performance Troupe The Child of a Messy Divorce

October 27, 2016October 27, 2016 John Frey

Cal, Blossom, Troy, and Angelina are four Tisch students with two things in common: they all like organizing impromptu nightly

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Sorority Rush Kicks Off With High-Heeled Race Up Kimmel Stairs

October 26, 2016October 26, 2016 Maya Wife

Due to NYU’s large student body, city campus, and lack of community, many new students find themselves feeling lonely, and

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Articles Lifestyle 

BREAKING: Wikileaks Releases Andrew Hamilton’s Halloween Planning Committee E-mails

October 25, 2016October 25, 2016 Frederick Krueger

At around 11am this morning, Wikileaks released close to 2,000 of President Andrew Hamilton’s emails to NYU’s Board of Directors.

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Guy Catcalling In Washington Square Park Just Saying Hey To Actual Cat

October 22, 2016October 22, 2016 Michael Sarah

Steinhardt sophomore Allie Fairwinkle was almost offended when she found that the guy catcalling her in Washington Square Park was

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Roommate’s Weird Friend Getting Way Too Comfortable Using Fridge

October 21, 2016 John Frey

Dale Stewart, a Stern sophomore, has reportedly observed on a number of occasions his roommate’s weird friend using the shared

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

New Study Finds Correlation Between Popularity, Unlimited Metrocard Ownership

October 20, 2016October 20, 2016 Britney Shakespears

A recent study on levels of social satisfaction amongst NYU students released by researchers at Langone this past Wednesday found a surprising correlation between

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Academics Articles Lifestyle 

Senior Misses Deadline To Drop Out & Become Tech Billionaire

October 19, 2016October 19, 2016 Julius Sneezer

Half way through his fall semester, NYU senior Paul Schwabe realized that the deadline to found the next big technology startup, procure

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Articles Lifestyle 

Graduating Senior Takes Bite Of Donut As Uncertainty Of Future Rains Down Upon Him

October 18, 2016October 18, 2016 Air Bud

With no concrete plans before a fast-approaching graduation date, all Tisch senior John Williams can do is eat a donut

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Articles Lifestyle 

Sophomore Sleeps In Friend’s Dorm Until Roommate’s Obsession With Fall Dies Down

October 15, 2016October 15, 2016 Air Bud

As a result of her roommate’s suffocating love of fall, Tisch sophomore Michelle Willis has decided to sleep in a

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Articles Lifestyle 

Junior Too Busy Admiring Own Taste In Music Listens To Entire Album Without Realizing It

October 14, 2016October 14, 2016 Murray Samsonite

This past week, a Gallatin junior going by the name “Dumpster Fire” listened to an entire Mobb Deep album without even realizing

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Alone All Weekend, Student Has Free-For-All With Roommate’s Shampoo, Groceries

October 10, 2016October 10, 2016 Air Bud

With her roommate out of town for the weekend, CAS senior Jill Summers enjoyed unmitigated access to her shampoo and

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

NYU Pike Chapter Endorses Trump

October 8, 2016October 8, 2016 Julius Sneezer

With only weeks to go until election day, NYU’s own Pi Kappa Alpha chapter has finally made its decision on who

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Academics Articles Lifestyle 

Tips For Having An Affair With A Married Professor

September 27, 2016October 9, 2016 Rachel Slur

Older, married men are hotter, smarter and more financially secure than others. It’s just plain science. Next time you’re ready

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Lone NYU Republican Prepares For Crazy Evening of Heckling TV By Himself

September 26, 2016September 26, 2016 Dan Quayle

CAS Senior Jeffrey Lee has spent the last four months eagerly awaiting what he calls, “the takedown of the century.” Four

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

RA Actually Does Want To Be The Bad Guy Here

September 24, 2016September 24, 2016 John Frey

According to multiple sources from within Rubin Hall, 4th floor RA Terry Wilson has admitted that he “actually does want

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

NYU Bus Drops Depressed Sophomore Off At Rock Bottom

September 22, 2016September 22, 2016 Murray Samsonite

In an cruel nod to “Spongebob Squarepants,” a depressed sophomore was dropped off by an NYU bus at a stop

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article3
Articles Lifestyle On Campus Sports 

CONTROVERSY: NYU Quidditch Team Kneels During Harry Potter Theme Song at Home Opener

September 19, 2016September 19, 2016 Reese Witherfork

NYU’s most prominent athletic team took a stand, or rather a knee, for what they believe in this week during

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Kid With Acoustic Guitar Definitely Worst Thing At This Party

September 17, 2016September 17, 2016 Reese Witherfork

Aden Gratzky had it all figured out. He and his new roommates were finally about to throw a rager in

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Administration Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

John Sexton Spotted Begging New Students For Hugs

September 7, 2016September 7, 2016 Rachel Slur

NYU President Emeritus John Sexton was spotted crouched in the bushes of Washington Square Park late Tuesday evening according to

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

For Just One Meal Swipe A Day, You Can Help Feed A Hungry Upperclassman

May 4, 2016May 4, 2016 Boy Hole

What would you do if there was a 20-year-old man right in front of you, sitting alone without a meal,

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Pike Crashes Darknet With Third Massive Order of Rohypnol This Week

May 3, 2016May 3, 2016 Dan Quayle

NYU’s Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity, affectionately known as Pike, made Internet history earlier today by being the first organization to

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

NYU Demands Cockroaches Start Paying Rent

April 29, 2016April 29, 2016 Micky Fine

Officially listing them as “dormitory residents,” NYU officials have declared that the large population of dorm-dwelling cockroaches must begin paying rent in the

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

I’m The Dog You Stopped To Pet And I Fucking Hate You

April 28, 2016April 28, 2016 Rachel Slur

I get it. You once had a dog. You don’t right now. You’re far away from your home and family,

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Roommate Ushers In New Spiritual Phase With Incense, Lots of Rocks

April 26, 2016April 26, 2016 Margaret Twatwood

Last weekend Gallatin sophomore Maya Quinn’s roommate Taylor Gray (LSP ‘19) disturbed the entire floor by choking it up with burning

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Junior Exercises Squatter’s Rights In Aftermath of Housing Registration

April 25, 2016April 25, 2016 Britney Shakespears

Although guaranteed housing for the 2016-2017 academic year, rising junior Chris Simon, will have to resort to squatting due to

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Incoming Freshman Having Second Thoughts After Using Bobst Bathroom

April 18, 2016April 18, 2016 Whoopie Goldblum

Newly admitted CAS freshman Ellie Millstone was thoroughly enjoying Weekend on the Square when she excused herself to use the

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article1
Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Freshman Reflects Pensively, Loudly On Past Drug Experiences

April 15, 2016April 15, 2016 Margaret Twatwood

CAS freshman Marc Tran decided to impart some much-needed wisdom he’d acquired from one of his shroom experiences to a

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article1
Articles Lifestyle 

Awkwardly Slow Elevator Creates Riveting Discussion About the Weather

April 14, 2016April 14, 2016 Britney Shakespears

At approximately, 1:53pm last Thursday, two professors and three students found themselves embroiled in a lively dialogue about the weather

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Articles Lifestyle 

Senior Going To Do Her Own Goddamn Taxes This Year

April 11, 2016April 11, 2016 Whoopie Goldblum

In a move that reportedly shocked hundreds, senior Brooke Wilson has decided to file her own taxes this week, because

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Freshman In Weinstein Still Eating Chick-fil-A Twice a Day

April 7, 2016April 7, 2016 Britney Shakespears

    Despite being near the completion of her freshman year at NYU, Dani Bilden ‘19, has remained disgustingly loyal

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Academics Articles Lifestyle Tandon 

New Virtual Reality App Shows NYU Students What It’s Like to Have Normal College Experience

April 4, 2016April 4, 2016 Dick Tarpis

With its urban landscape, lack of a definitive campus, and sparse sense of community, some NYU students complain that they

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Articles Lifestyle 

Intern Waits For Coworkers to Leave For Lunch Before Stealing Back Pens

March 31, 2016March 31, 2016 Britney Shakespears

After months of working at her unpaid internship, Tania Lopez, CAS class of ‘19, decided to opt out of joining her

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Senior Who Wrestled In Baby Oil Pool In Third North Freshman Year Hasn’t Done Anything Notable Since

March 30, 2016March 30, 2016 Rick van der Sloot

When Teresa Carpenter agreed to wrestle another girl in an inflatable pool full of baby oil, she didn’t realize it

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Recently Divorced Advisor Encouraging Students To Just Give Up Now
Headlines 

Recently Divorced Advisor Encouraging Students To Just Give Up Now

November 10, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Recently Divorced Advisor Encouraging Students To Just Give Up Now
Graduating Senior Wondering How To Inform Parents She’s Moving Back Home Forever
Headlines 

Graduating Senior Wondering How To Inform Parents She’s Moving Back Home Forever

October 26, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Graduating Senior Wondering How To Inform Parents She’s Moving Back Home Forever
Stern Student Going As “Financial Success” For Halloween This Year
Headlines Stern 

Stern Student Going As “Financial Success” For Halloween This Year

October 23, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Stern Student Going As “Financial Success” For Halloween This Year
Junior Amazing At Life™, Terrible At Life
Headlines 

Junior Amazing At Life™, Terrible At Life

October 15, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Junior Amazing At Life™, Terrible At Life
Sophomore Can’t Sit In Washington Square Park Without Fear of Being Interviewed
Headlines 

Sophomore Can’t Sit In Washington Square Park Without Fear of Being Interviewed

October 4, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Sophomore Can’t Sit In Washington Square Park Without Fear of Being Interviewed
Senior Running Late For Class Just Skips Whole Week
Headlines 

Senior Running Late For Class Just Skips Whole Week

October 3, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Senior Running Late For Class Just Skips Whole Week
Freshman Takes Picture In Front of WSP Arch With Caption “My City <3"
Headlines 

Freshman Takes Picture In Front of WSP Arch With Caption “My City <3"

September 13, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Freshman Takes Picture In Front of WSP Arch With Caption “My City <3"
Headlines Other 

Second Semester Senior With Headphones In Unaware That His Life Is About To Get Really Shitty

December 10, 2015 Dick Tarpis Comments Off on Second Semester Senior With Headphones In Unaware That His Life Is About To Get Really Shitty
Headlines Other 

Group Message From Past Class Unnecessarily Still Active

December 10, 2015 Air Bud Comments Off on Group Message From Past Class Unnecessarily Still Active
Headlines Other 

Junior Calls In Sick To Whole Life

December 10, 2015 Air Bud Comments Off on Junior Calls In Sick To Whole Life
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