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Academics

Academics Articles CAS 

Professor Automatically Gives ‘A’ To Kid Wearing Apple Logo Hoodie

May 1, 2017 Murray Samsonite

A professor in CAS announced this week that he will be giving an A to the kid who wears an

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Academics Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

College Improv Troupe Invites Students To Take A Study Break, Watch Some Bad Comedy

April 27, 2017 John Frey

Local NYU Improv troupe “Improvulation” has invited all of NYU to attend their final show of the semester. According to the

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Academics Articles Lifestyle 

Sophomore’s Summer Job Actually Just Cult

April 18, 2017April 18, 2017 Murray Samsonite

After a thorough Washington Square Local investigation, sophomore Sarah Bartshort’s internship was confirmed to actually be just a cult. Bartshort,

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Academics Articles CAS 

CAS Sophomore Declares Thumb War

April 17, 2017 Dan Quayle

After 2 years of drifting from one interest to another, sophomore Harold Pinkerton finally filed paperwork with the College of Arts

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Academics Articles Lifestyle 

Senior With Straight C’s Really Gonna Have To Pull Some Strings To Not Ruin Everything He’s Worked For

April 14, 2017 Air Bud

After not putting in even a spec of effort this semester, graduating CAS senior Tosh Evans is really gonna have

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Academics Articles Tisch 

Tisch Junior With Summer Internship Excited To Be Exploited By Cool Production Company

April 13, 2017 Air Bud

Having finally snagged a much sought-after internship, Tisch junior Shailene Walls has set the date for when she’ll start being

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Academics Articles 

Led Zeppelin Fan Definitely Misunderstood “Classics” Course Material

April 7, 2017 Dick Tarpis

As the semester winds to a close, sophomore and Classic Rock superfan Danny “Baby Clapton” Carter admits he was dissatisfied

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Academics Articles Gallatin 

Gallatin Senior’s Concentration In “Extraterrestrial Studies & Origins” Looking Grim For Job Prospects

April 5, 2017April 5, 2017 Air Bud

With her 4-year study on Extraterrestrial Studies & Origins coming to an end, Gallatin senior Maicy Williams is losing hope

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Academics Articles Stern 

Archivists Find Evidence Stern Once Held “Morse Code Is All About Confidence” Seminar

April 4, 2017 Murray Samsonite

A group of senior History majors unearthed evidence this week of a century-old Stern seminar entitled “Morse Code Is All

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Academics Articles Tisch 

Film Student Carries Around Little Notebook In Case He Ever Gets Terrible Film Idea

April 3, 2017 John Frey

According to sources from within Tisch, Film & Television sophomore Kenny Sorington reportedly carries around a pocket-sized moleskine notebook just

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Articles CAS On Campus 

You’ll Never Guess What These Silver Bathrooms Look Like Today!

March 28, 2017March 28, 2017 Frederick Krueger

The same. They look the fucking same. I don’t know what to tell you. They haven’t renovated those bathrooms in,

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Articles Lifestyle Tisch 

Tisch Senior’s Thesis Film Metaphor For Living At Home Rest Of Life

March 27, 2017 Air Bud

Needing to let everyone know that he’s giving up in 7 weeks, Film & TV senior John Starks’ thesis film

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Academics Articles Law 

NYU Law Grad Makes Judgement On Landmark ‘Man v. Food’ Case

March 24, 2017 Dan Quayle

Alex Havermeyer, NYU Law Class of ’12, is making headlines this morning after the culmination of a nearly year-long investigation

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Academics Articles 

Even Professor Didn’t Do The Reading

March 9, 2017March 9, 2017 Air Bud

Even though he always asks the question at the beginning of each class, Nature of Success Professor Chris Stenton admits

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Academics Articles 

How To Break It To Your Parents You Have To Do A Fifth Year

March 6, 2017 Michael Sarah

Use a fun icebreaker. Everyone tell a fun fact about themselves! My fun fact is I failed organic chemistry. Sing

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Academics Articles 

Cool Professor Who Cooly Wants You To Call Him By His Cool First Name Is Cool

February 28, 2017February 28, 2017 Jack Sass

“Just call me Terry!” chuckles art history professor Terry Bull, sitting down with Washington Square Local at a pretty neat

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Academics Articles On Campus 

Senile Professor Sets Aside 45 Minutes In Lecture Plan For Meandering Anecdote

February 21, 2017February 21, 2017 John Frey

According to inside sources, 70-year-old Film Studies professor Rick Warren has set aside a 45 minute block of time in

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Academics Articles CAS 

Student Who Brings Candy To Class Desperate For Any Approval

February 6, 2017February 6, 2017 Maya Wife

A few weeks into the semester and still unable to make a solid impression on her Creative Writing Workshop, sophomore

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Academics Articles 

Gallatin Sophomore Moved To Share Life Story After Professor Calls Her Name During Roll

January 31, 2017January 31, 2017 Murray Samsonite

A Gallatin sophomore was moved to share her life story this week after her professor called her name while taking

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Academics Articles CAS Lifestyle 

Anthropology Department Discovers New Hominid Species At NYU Republicans Meeting

January 30, 2017January 30, 2017 Dan Quayle

NYU’s own Anthropology department is making international headlines this morning after publishing a groundbreaking paper detailing the discovery of a

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Articles On Campus Steinhardt 

Edward Snowden Found Hiding In South Elevator Of Barney Building

January 26, 2017January 26, 2017 Dan Quayle

The custodial staff at NYU’s Barney Building made a shocking discovery last Friday when they found former CIA employee and

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Academics Articles On Campus 

“Two Truths And A Lie” Icebreaker Solves Cold Case Of Professor’s Dead Wife

January 25, 2017January 25, 2017 Rachel Slur

On the first day of “Introduction To Introductions,” Professor Stephen Gilroy was shocked when a simple icebreaking game of Two

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Academics Articles Lifestyle 

OPINION: If You Love Berlin So Much, Why Don’t You Marry It?

January 23, 2017January 23, 2017 Dan Quayle

  It’s only the first day back to school and friends of Anna Littman have already had enough of her

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Academics Articles Lifestyle 

Freshman Well Aware Of How Wildly Unrealistic Her Weekend Plans Are

December 16, 2016December 16, 2016 John Frey

According to sources, Tisch freshman Janet Johnson knows deep down how wildly unrealistic her weekend plans actually are. Although perhaps

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Academics Articles Lifestyle 

STUDENT VOICES: Why I’m “So Done” With Finals But I Still Have Three Finals Left But My Attitude Is Like So Over Finals But Not Actually Because There’s So Much Left

December 14, 2016December 14, 2016 Michael Sarah

I am giving up. I am packing my things. I am flying home. But not actually, because I still have

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Academics Articles On Campus 

Double Monday Schedule Sends Fragile Sophomore Over Edge Of Reality

December 13, 2016December 13, 2016 Maya Wife

In order to make up for a previous long weekend, NYU has decided this finals week to have two Monday

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Academics Articles Stern 

Father Returning For MBA Attempts To Have Cookout During Lecture

December 9, 2016December 9, 2016 Paul Schart

An economics lecture in Stern was disrupted early Thursday morning by a student who began hosting a patio cookout. Peter

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Academics Articles 

BRAVE: Senior Forwards Tuition Statement To Parents Before Reading It

December 8, 2016December 8, 2016 Frederick Krueger

‘Tis the season to pay your spring semester tuition! On Monday, senior Samantha Silverspün received an email from the Bursar’s

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Academics Articles CAS 

Genius Freshman Changes Essay Layout To Be 90% Margins, 10% Actual Words

December 6, 2016December 6, 2016 Maya Wife

With finals approaching and assignments stacking up, sly CAS freshman Joey Slurp has discovered the perfect strategy for meeting his

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Academics Articles 

Usually Silent Student Just Now Remembering Participation Grade

December 5, 2016December 5, 2016 Air Bud

After not speaking at all this semester in her Children’s Literature class, Katie Schirman (‘18) clearly only just remembered the

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Academics Articles Tisch 

INSPIRING: This Sophomore Is An Impassioned Activist In That He Just Yells At People A Lot

November 21, 2016November 21, 2016 Air Bud

With the disturbing political climate the nation has found itself in, Tisch sophomore Mike Spelling has become a passionate political

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Academics Articles On Campus 

Kid Who Always Brings Skateboard To Class Definitely Going To Argue With Professor Again Today

November 16, 2016November 16, 2016 John Frey

You heard it here first, folks: that kid who brings his weird skateboard into the lecture hall with him is

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Academics Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

NYU Announces Plan To Build Literal Bubble

November 14, 2016November 14, 2016 Frederick Krueger

Last Tuesday’s election results support that fact that the United States suffers from “coastal bubbles,” centers of liberal thought concentrated

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Academics Articles Tisch 

Generous Tisch Senior Offers “Signed Cast Photo” As Kickstarter Reward

November 10, 2016November 9, 2016 John Frey

In a move that displays his unbounded magnanimity, aspiring filmmaker and graduating senior Mitch Rosenthal has announced a new reward

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Articles Gallatin Uncategorized 

Gallatin Junior Distills Entire Terrible Personality Into Series Of Horrifying Laptop Stickers

November 4, 2016November 4, 2016 John Frey

According to sources around NYU, Gallatin junior Cindy Hodson has effectively taken her entire sense of self and translated it into

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Academics Articles 

Super Laid-Back Advisor Says You’ll Graduate On Time Probably

November 3, 2016November 3, 2016 Michael Sarah

When asked if he would graduate on time, transfer student Ryan Beardsley’s advisor told him he probably would, but also

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Academics Articles CAS 

Take-Home “Closed Book” Midterm Going To Be Real Challenge For Student’s Nonexistent Conscience

October 24, 2016October 24, 2016 Michael Sarah

CAS sophomore Mable Scott has avoided studying all semester so she would be ready to cheat on her psychology midterm.

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Academics Articles On Campus 

Andy Hamilton’s Proposal To Turn Gallatin Into Clown College Scrapped Amid Recent Panic

October 23, 2016October 23, 2016 Jack Sass

There were many sadly painted faces on Saturday night, as news filtered in that Andrew Hamilton’s idea to turn Gallatin

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article2
Academics Articles Lifestyle 

Senior Misses Deadline To Drop Out & Become Tech Billionaire

October 19, 2016October 19, 2016 Julius Sneezer

Half way through his fall semester, NYU senior Paul Schwabe realized that the deadline to found the next big technology startup, procure

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About Academics Articles Langone 

Rudy Giuliani Named Langone Department of Psychiatry’s “Patient-In-Residence”

October 17, 2016October 17, 2016 Murray Samsonite

NYU Langone announced this morning that Rudy Giuliani, former Mayor of New York City and current surrogate for the Trump campaign,

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Articles Stern 

Female Finance Senior Breaks Glass Ceiling, Falls Through Gould Plaza Floor

October 12, 2016October 12, 2016 Carolyn Keene

Sources are reporting that Stern senior Emily Hopkins crashed into a Principles of Microeconomics class when she fell through the

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Academics Articles 

Sixth-Year Senior Decides It’s Perfect Time To Switch Majors

October 6, 2016October 6, 2016 Maya Wife

In the midst of his 13th consecutive NYU semester, Super Senior Ray Clark has begun to consider this the prime time

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article
Academics Articles 

Overwhelmingly White Colloquium Continues Discussion On Racial Inclusion

October 3, 2016October 3, 2016 Paul Schart

As they entered their fourth week of school, students in Professor David Kowalski’s freshman film colloquium class celebrated the milestone

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Academics Articles Lifestyle 

Tips For Having An Affair With A Married Professor

September 27, 2016October 9, 2016 Rachel Slur

Older, married men are hotter, smarter and more financially secure than others. It’s just plain science. Next time you’re ready

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Academics Tisch 

Dramatic Writing Department Installs Floor Drains To Accommodate Pissing Contests

September 21, 2016September 21, 2016 Maya Wife

In response to the overwhelming number of pissing contests held amongst students of Tisch’s Goldberg Department of Dramatic Writing, the

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Academics Articles 

After One Week Of Class, Senior Confident In Ability To Not Give A Fuck This Year

September 16, 2016September 16, 2016 Air Bud

Following his first week of classes, CAS senior Tom Walker is now feeling determined and ready to not give one

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Academics Articles CAS 

Professor Heartbreakingly Curates Optional Reading List No One Will Ever Use

September 15, 2016September 15, 2016 Harriet Chubman

Intermediate Psych professor Don Livingston spent his Sunday afternoon lovingly crafting an optional reading list on his syllabus that none of

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Academics Articles 

Ass-Kissing Piece of Shit Only One Who Did the Reading

September 14, 2016September 14, 2016 Dan Quayle

Sophomore Eduardo Gomez once again incurred the wrath of his fellow classmates yesterday by being the only one to do

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u wr nvr ivy lge material u fuckn twat
Academics Articles 

NYU Welcomes Record Number of Ivy League Rejects

September 6, 2016September 6, 2016 Micky Fine

As NYU opens its purple arms once again to city, it also welcomes in the class of 2020, a record

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Academics Articles On Campus 

Last Class Bagels Don’t Make Up For Poorly Taught Seminar

May 5, 2016May 5, 2016 Rachel Slur

In an effort to mitigate a disastrous semester, Gallatin Professor Phil Benneson decided to treat his Defense Against the Dark

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Academics Articles CAS 

Amazing: Meet the Student Who Wrote “Racism Is Bad” 335 Times For His Cultures & Context Essay

April 21, 2016April 20, 2016 Micky Fine

You can never tell where the next great hero will come from, but today, it comes from NYU’s Cultures and

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Academics Articles 

Professor With Three PhDs Unaware Teaching Uninterested Teenagers Was a Job Requirement

April 6, 2016April 6, 2016 Whoopie Goldblum

In an exclusive interview with Washington Square Local, history Professor Ellen Cooper told reporters she was, “confused by the fact that

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Academics Articles Lifestyle Tandon 

New Virtual Reality App Shows NYU Students What It’s Like to Have Normal College Experience

April 4, 2016April 4, 2016 Dick Tarpis

With its urban landscape, lack of a definitive campus, and sparse sense of community, some NYU students complain that they

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intern serves coffee
Academics Articles Lifestyle 

Freshman’s Unpaid Internship First in Long String of Bad Career Decisions

March 11, 2016March 11, 2016 Whoopie Goldblum

Journalism major Jane Sullivan was reportedly “super excited” when she heard she was hired as an intern at GlamGurl magazine,

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article1
Academics Articles 

Aspiring Comedian in Recitation Bravely Mocks Republican Frontrunners

March 10, 2016March 10, 2016 Rick van der Sloot

After months of deliberation over if he was ready to “put [him]self out there like that,” sophomore Ryan McMillan has

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sound_blanket
Academics Articles Tisch 

Film & TV Senior Prepared to Use Sound Blanket as Comforter After Graduation

March 9, 2016March 9, 2016 Britney Shakespears

At long last in her final semester at NYU, Tisch senior Emilee Stannis is prepared for the tough times ahead as she

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depressed_prof
Academics Articles 

Fellow Students Unable to Break It to Professor That Kyle Dropped the Class

March 7, 2016March 7, 2016 Rachel Slur

After six long weeks, students of The Literature of Rebellion in Early Modern Europe didn’t have the heart to tell their professor

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sex_scene
Academics Articles Tisch 

Tisch Junior Insists Short Film’s Sex Scene With Him Is Integral to Story

March 3, 2016March 3, 2016 Paul Schart

Brett Chapman, a junior in Tisch’s film program, has hit a roadblock in the production of his short film due

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whiteboard
Academics Articles CAS 

BREAKING: Professor Continues to Use Dry Erase Marker After Acknowledging It’s Empty

February 24, 2016February 24, 2016 Special Agent Dale Cooper's MILF

On her ever-potent journey to deny technology in the classroom, Dr. Myranda Heinz (CAMS Professor, The Adolescent Paradox) made a

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Blake's V-Day Bracket
Academics Articles Lifestyle 

Stern Senior Completes Valentine’s Day Date Bracket to Streamline Disappointment

February 13, 2016February 13, 2016 Paul Schart

With less than 24 hours to spare before the big day, senior Blake Miller once again successfully completed his traditional date

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Upset student reading grades at schoo
Academics Articles CAS 

Pussy-Ass Freshman Drops Chem 2

February 12, 2016February 12, 2016 Dan Quayle

After just three moderately difficult weeks of learning about properties of mixtures, freshman Geoff Lee has thrown in the towel.

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Recently Divorced Advisor Encouraging Students To Just Give Up Now
Headlines 

Recently Divorced Advisor Encouraging Students To Just Give Up Now

November 10, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Recently Divorced Advisor Encouraging Students To Just Give Up Now
Graduating Senior Wondering How To Inform Parents She’s Moving Back Home Forever
Headlines 

Graduating Senior Wondering How To Inform Parents She’s Moving Back Home Forever

October 26, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Graduating Senior Wondering How To Inform Parents She’s Moving Back Home Forever
Stern Student Going As “Financial Success” For Halloween This Year
Headlines Stern 

Stern Student Going As “Financial Success” For Halloween This Year

October 23, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Stern Student Going As “Financial Success” For Halloween This Year
Junior Amazing At Life™, Terrible At Life
Headlines 

Junior Amazing At Life™, Terrible At Life

October 15, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Junior Amazing At Life™, Terrible At Life
Sophomore Can’t Sit In Washington Square Park Without Fear of Being Interviewed
Headlines 

Sophomore Can’t Sit In Washington Square Park Without Fear of Being Interviewed

October 4, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Sophomore Can’t Sit In Washington Square Park Without Fear of Being Interviewed
Senior Running Late For Class Just Skips Whole Week
Headlines 

Senior Running Late For Class Just Skips Whole Week

October 3, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Senior Running Late For Class Just Skips Whole Week
Freshman Takes Picture In Front of WSP Arch With Caption “My City <3"
Headlines 

Freshman Takes Picture In Front of WSP Arch With Caption “My City <3"

September 13, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Freshman Takes Picture In Front of WSP Arch With Caption “My City <3"
Headlines Other 

Second Semester Senior With Headphones In Unaware That His Life Is About To Get Really Shitty

December 10, 2015 Dick Tarpis Comments Off on Second Semester Senior With Headphones In Unaware That His Life Is About To Get Really Shitty
Headlines Other 

Group Message From Past Class Unnecessarily Still Active

December 10, 2015 Air Bud Comments Off on Group Message From Past Class Unnecessarily Still Active
Headlines Other 

Junior Calls In Sick To Whole Life

December 10, 2015 Air Bud Comments Off on Junior Calls In Sick To Whole Life
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