John Sexton Forms 1860s Irish Immigrant Gang Out Of Boredom
In an apparent nod to Martin Scorsese’s 2002 film Gangs of New York, President Emeritus John Sexton formed an 1860s-style
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Administration
FUN FACT: Andrew Hamilton’s Chief Of Staff Is Also Andrew Hamilton
Although nobody ever talks about it, Andrew Hamilton is more than just President of NYU. Yes, in addition to his
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NYU Institutes Policy Of “Extreme Vetting” After Dangerous Extremist Incites Violence On Campus
With the dust beginning to settle after the speaking engagement of far right extremist Gavin McInnes, attention has turned to how
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CAMPUS PROFILES: Meet The Graphic Designer Who Photoshops Medical Degrees For The Health Center
Among the dozens of amazing people that work at NYU, few are as important as Kelly Wyatt, a graphic designer
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Andy Hamilton To Force New Students To Boom Op For His Web Series
In an email blast sent out last Thursday, Andrew Hamilton announced that, in addition to paying their normal tuition, all
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Andrew Hamilton Announces New NYU Space Program
Keeping with his promise to the NYU community to continue bringing the school into the world of tomorrow, Andrew Hamilton
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John Sexton Spotted Begging New Students For Hugs
NYU President Emeritus John Sexton was spotted crouched in the bushes of Washington Square Park late Tuesday evening according to
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Upside Down ‘U’ In Park Leaves Many Asking Questions
The scene was one of confusion and occasionally terror this past Tuesday, as many students gathered around a mysterious upturned
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Junior Accidentally Mailed Faculty Vacation Home
CAS junior Tommy Branton this past Sunday signed for a large package that appeared to be a luxurious vacation home meant
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NYU Announces $15,000/Hour Minimum Wage For Senior Administration
After a major victory by student organizers on campus in achieving a minimum wage of $15/hr for all student workers,
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NYU Weed Smokers Petition to Remove Undercover Cops From Their Classes
Progressive Reform is sweeping NYU as the unified marijuana users of the school petition for the removal of all the
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Study Shows Monopoly Money More Useful Than Campus Cash
A new study published earlier this week definitively proves that Monopoly Money is more useful the NYU’s Campus Cash. Conducted
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NYU Officials: Andrew Hamilton’s Mad Coin Tossing Skills Totally Not a Factor in Appointment to Presidency
NYU officials confirmed today that, while Andrew Hamilton’s astounding ability to call which side of the coin would land face up
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Andrew Hamilton Exceeds Students’ First Week Expectations Just By Showing Up
A little less than a week into his run as NYU president, Andrew Hamilton has already surpassed many students’ expectations
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Andrew Hamilton Spends First Day As President Firmly Planted in Roadside Snowdrift
Newly elected NYU President Andrew Hamilton had an eventful first day in office, spending most of it firmly planted in
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John Sexton Clarifies He Was Stepping Down From His Office Chair
In a statement released earlier today, John Sexton responded to the long-standing belief that he was stepping down as NYU’s
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NYU Langone Set To Offer ED (Early Decision) Pills To Prospective Freshman
In collaboration with the pharmaceutical giant Pfizer, NYU Langone has announced new pills to help motivate high school students who have
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Financial Aid Office Announces New Procedure for Filing Complaint About Complexity of Complaint-Filing System
WAfter much criticism over a bureacratic system described as “labyrinthian” and “impossible”, NYU has announced new revised guidelines to filing
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NYU Administration Proudly Announces That Racism is Over
Following protests at Kimmel and a university-wide diversity forum on Wednesday, NYU administrators sent out an email on Saturday confirming that,
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Hamster Powering Albert Goes On Strike
It’s a stressful time of year for all members of the NYU community as registration approaches, but especially for the
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John Sexton Suspiciously “Unsurprised” About Human Remains Under Washington Square Park
After maintenance workers under Washington Square Park discovered a vault containing 19th century human remains, John Sexton seemed remarkably unsurprised.
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Andrew Hamilton Resigns President-Elect Position After Visiting New York for First Time
In a surprise move, Andrew Hamilton has announced he is turning down the position of NYU’s sixteenth president, a position he
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